Having to constantly weigh the legitimacy of our thoughts against the imagined opinions of others makes our lives a lot more difficult. Caring about what other people think was an evolutionary advantage, but in the modern world it is a burden. There are three ways to reduce it:
- Aristocracy:
An aristocrat is someone who reasons independently, who follows their own mind, and who is instinctively suspicious of the popular assumption. This thinking comes from the acceptance of the flaws of collective thinking, since they are always generalizations. An aristocratic approach is to take other’s opinions as what many people think is important, which have no special authority. What most people think shouldn’t be a reasonable guide to our lives. - Self-Respect:
We tend to crave validation from others, but if we trusted that we were decent and good, we wouldn’t be as affected by other’s opinions about us. This is hard, since we know all our own weaknesses and shortcomings, and we have no comparable information on others. When we are too hard on ourselves, it is important to re-observe how hard it is to be ourselves. - Childishness:
Since children don’t know what to think, they often go with their true feelings. Once we stop assuming how we are supposed to feel, we’re free to discover what genuinely matters to us.